How an EFT Master thinks in a complex case

By Dr. Alexander Lees

Part 1 of 2--Ted overcomes alcohol abuse

Once in a very long while a person comes into my office that is special, very special. Ted was such a man. I can't explain why we connected (we're both very different men) but we did connect. Knowing him was a privilege. I'd like to share the time Ted and I spent together, with you.

After some discussion with Gary I have decided to make Ted's story into two parts, because the issue he first came to see me about was dealt with rather quickly, and then a little while later he returned with a very different issue. This is Part One of Ted's story.

Ted was 60 when we first met, a little over a year ago. Obviously in good physical condition, he spoke with pride about his adherence to regular exercise, proper diet, and keeping his mind sharp. And, he informed me he had several members of his staff keep him informed of global issues that would affect his various business enterprises.

The presented issue was alcohol abuse, an abuse of 30 years duration. I quickly learned from Ted's responses that trying to entrain him in a discussion about the reasons for this (that is the use of alcohol as a form of self medication to suppress unresolved emotional issues) was fruitless. Also, any attempt I made to discuss his relationship with his wife and children, was also quickly dismissed. In spite of these handicaps, we found a way to continue.

"Now," he said suddenly, "What exactly does a therapist do?" At this point, I realized at least one of the reasons he was a very successful businessman. His entire being had changed in a microsecond, his manner was more abrupt, and I felt two laser beams boring into my skull. He presented a very powerful presence indeed.

"Depends," I responded, holding his gaze. "On?" was his only verbal response, but the eyes (unblinking) remained focused. "What the problem is," I replied. At the same time I'm thinking, my tea strategy isn't going to work this time (sometimes when I need to gather myself or think on my feet, I go and get a cup of tea as a diversion). I also thought that if I played chess with this guy, I'd lose, and rather quickly.

"You might do," Ted replied after a pause, and relaxed a bit, allowing his gaze to begin scanning my book case. "My family says I drink too much," was offered as the laser beams returned.

Ted continued with, "What, if anything, can you do about it?"

"Get a new family?" I responded. This time he laughed, and settled back into the couch, so I followed up with, "Do you think you do?"

"Probably," was the vague reply. "What do you know about business?" was his next thrust.

"I know there's not much percentage in alienating a family, there's no profit in investing in a stress reliever that costs so much, with such diminishing returns, and if you found a viable alternative, that actually pays dividends, you'd probably invest some time in exploring it."

"Novel," was his one word reply. "The last guy wanted to analyse my childhood. You don't bother with that?"

"Unless you can think of something way back then, that caused you to drink alcohol now, I don't feel the need to trip down memory lane," I said.

After a rather quick explanation of the 'stress busting' buttons, Ted asked, "Good. What do you have in mind?"

Then, I asked for specifics, such as when and where did the need for a drink came up.

Ted thought for a moment and then said he wanted a drink nearing the end of a business meeting and he had many such meetings in a week.

The first EFT round was applied on "Nearing the end of a business meeting." We isolated four distinct times a week, and, starting with the P.R. Point, I had Ted repeat:

"Even though the need for a drink becomes strong as I near the end of Tuesday's meeting, I deeply and completely accept myself."

He repeated this phrase three times. I then tapped the short cut points using a reminder phrase, "This need for a drink." We used the same phraseology for the remaining three meetings, again starting each individual round with the P.R. point, and an appropriate reminder phrase for the rest of the points. Then I sat down and waited.

Visibly more relaxed, Ted had gone 'inside' for a while, so I just continued to wait.

"I don't really like going home," he said after a while. "My wife and I are sort of strangers, existing in the same house."

I thought about that for a while. I saw no point asking him if he thought his work schedule and all the long hours had anything to do with it, and there seemed no point in suggesting he was married to a mistress called making money, and that this was the priority in his life. I sensed this subject had been beaten to death many times over in their conversations, without any resolutions, and so each had learned to compensate in their own way.

"So, walk me through the front door of your home. When you get there, what happens?" I asked.

After zeroing in on how he felt within a few minutes of trying to verbally engage his wife, Ted went quiet for a moment or two, and then said, "Anger."

I began tapping his P.R. point, and had him repeat:

"Even though when I go home after a hectic day and see the look on my wife's face and become angry, I deeply and completely accept myself." This was repeated three times, and we then tapped the rest of the points using the reminder phrase "This anger, this anger."

"It's frustrating, you know. Usually, I guess because I'm so used to it, I give up and go and pour myself a drink."

We followed that up with a round for "This need for a drink because he was frustrated," and then with a round on "This unfairness," and "This lack of intimacy."

I will now fast forward through several visits spaced at once a week for a month or so, simply because Ted made it clear he wanted to talk, to unload, and would "rent my time," if I would simply listen.

I managed to 'interfere' and do some EFT along the way, as Ted mentioned he really felt the need to get "blotto" for the holidays. He said, the family would be making all kinds of plans and organizing get-togethers without him, even if he was around, and expressed an interest in joining them.

We tapped on the feelings of isolation and loneliness. The first round using the reminder phrase "This feeling of isolation," didn't really do much, so we did the round again, this time starting with the P.R. Point, and tapping continuously on it, I had Ted say out loud: " Even though I'm completely justified in feeling isolated by the family I work so hard to support, I deeply and completely accept myself." This was repeated three times, then we moved on to the rest of the points, and tapped them using the reminder phrase "This feeling of isolation."

We quickly followed this same format, only this time using the phrase " Even though I feel lonely when the family makes plans that don't include me, I deeply and completely accept myself." Ted balked about saying "I deeply and completely accept myself," this time, so we substituted " Even though I feel lonely when the family makes plans that don't include me, Im okay, but this loneliness sucks."

This new phrasing was easily repeated twice more, using the P.R. point, and we then did the rest of the points using the reminder phrase, "This feeling of loneliness, this loneliness."

I then reframed the event as the family offering a test, the test being to find out if he could handle the pressure of the holidays without alcohol. What seemed to lock this in for him, or as Gary says, "Cause it to land," was the mention of the fact that he now knew this, and the family didn't.

As a testament to his determination and desire, Ted was successful in his efforts to give up alcohol. On those occasions when Ted was open to using EFT, or more specifically, having it applied, he seemed genuinely comfortable in repeatedly stating, "EFT made it easy to abstain from alcohol."

When the stress became too much, Ted would simply find an excuse to be by himself, and tap on, "Even though I need and want a drink right now, I deeply and completely accept myself." He would then do a quick round using the reminder phrase, "This need for a drink, this need for a drink." Some days, this was done many times, on other days, perhaps once or twice.

Ted also reported that as time went by, the urge to drink reduced in intensity, and so did the frequency of how often the feeling of wanting/needing a drink took hold of him. The next delight was when he reported that some of the old "triggers" didn't evoke the need at all!

One of the things that helped my increasing admiration of this man was his steadfast and often verbalized, "Emotions have nothing to do with any of this. You people have it all wrong. This tapping business just somehow makes it easier, but I feel the same." He was becoming an interesting study indeed! Regardless of what he called it, there was no doubt EFT's application offered great assistance in helping Ted to give up a 30 year habit.

Regards,

Alex Lees

Part 2 of 2--Giving Ted 6 more months to live

As you may recall, in Ted’s Story Part 1, he originally came to see me about his abuse of alcohol, a 30 year habit. We dealt with that issue successfully (and rather quickly) and both of us were looking forward to Christmas. It would be Ted’s first Christmas in 30 years without alcohol. I looked forward to hearing from him after the holidays because I knew he would be successful. Ted had the courage, strength of will, determination, and as he freely admitted, the help of EFT, to have a terrific Christmas!

On Christmas Day a year ago, the home phone rang. "Merry Christmas!" I answered on the second ring. After a few moments of silence, a voice said, "No it isn’t, I have cancer." It was my turn to be silent, and I gestured to Berit (my wife) to turn the stereo down. I can only assume the look on my face must have told her something was terribly wrong, or because she belongs to the gender that reads minds, she had just read mine.

"Ted?" she mouthed wordlessly, and then I knew who was on the phone.

Before I could acknowledge him by name, Ted continued, "I was so dizzy yesterday, I finally fell down. It’s kind of a blur after that, but I’m here at the hospital. The doctors told me this morning. Things don’t look so good."

"I’ve gotta go," I said to Berit as gently as I could. She replied, "I know, your jacket and the keys are by the door. I put your tea in a travel mug."

Shortly after my arrival, Ted asked his stricken family to give us a few moments alone. In a faltering voice, he said, "It’s scattered throughout my brain. It shows up in the spine. My pancreas and stomach are involved, and there’s two black masses in my left lung. Before you ask, they tell me, maybe two weeks, tops."

The changes in his spirit, attitude and tone of voice are still painful for me to recall, but I knew one thing clearly; this dynamo of a man was winding down, and quickly. It was one of those moments where you say the right thing and it helps. Say the wrong thing and you get to go from bad to worse very quickly.

"Other than that, how’s your day?" I offered lamely.

Between choking spasms, I could hear indications he wasn’t going to order my demise just yet. We did several gentle EFT rounds for the shock of this news, and his fears and concerns for his family. Starting with the P.R. Point on the side of his hand, I verbalized for Ted, "Even though I have cancer spread throughout my body, which is devastating news, I choose to calm my system down."

Quite often, this form of approach works as intended, especially if the practitioner inserts a short pause after to... and then states the words: "calm down" slightly differently than the rest of the sentence. The difference can be tone, volume, etc. The technique is referred to as an embedded suggestion. For Ted, the reasons why he could not calm down were triggered instead. This reaction provided the information for the next round.

"I’m too scared to calm down," was his response. We immediately did a round using the reminder phrase, "This fear, this fear." "What will my family do?" he then asked. The next round consisted of, starting with the P.R. Point: "Even though I’m concerned for my family, and how they will handle things, I deeply and completely accept myself." The reminder phrase was "This concern for my family."

After a few moments Ted spoke about his regrets, the first one being, "If only I’d become sober earlier, I might have noticed all this was happening..." I reached for his hand again, and gently tapped the P.R. Point and had Ted repeat, "Even though I regret not sobering up sooner, and could have possibly noticed something was wrong, I deeply and completely accept myself." The reminder phrase for the remaining points was, "This regret."

Over the next ten minutes or so, Ted spoke about various regrets - lack of time spent with the family being one. I simply heard each one, and tapped the points as he went from one to another.

The nurse came in while I was holding his hand. "Going steady?" she inquired, which set off another round of choking spasms, but some colour was returning to his face, and his eyes indicated he was enjoying the moment.

The next day’s visit was a little more sombre; Ted had an agenda.

"Listen doc, I need to sell the house. My wife will need help with that. My first grandson will be born in a few months. There’s some business decisions I have to take care of. I need some time. I have to change things so they (the family) can run the business and be OK. If you will help, I’ll pay you to be on call. It’s really important to me."

It is important for anyone reading this to understand the innate strength of this man. His determination, will power and tenacity had resurfaced, and from his viewpoint, this was now thought of as another challenge.

He needed time, there was a lot to do and the diagnosis of two weeks was not enough time. He was scheduled for radiation on Tuesday. After that would come the chemotherapy. His expert team of medical specialists would do their part, and what he needed now was what he called mental support. He made it clear he wasn’t interested in discussing or hearing it couldn't be done, but he was congruent, and determined to gain more time.

We met frequently, sometimes several days in a row. We tapped for nausea, incontinence, dizziness and no energy. After each treatment, the pattern would be: Ted would verbalize the side affects, and I would tap him for them. Sometimes, we repeated a round when he reported "It’s still there," or "It’s not all gone." During several of these intense sessions, we used the 9 Gamut procedure before tapping on "This remaining..."

We would repeat the rounds, when necessary, until Ted reported he felt better, or simply stated, "I just want to sleep now." Either way, he seemed pleased with the results. As the radiation and chemo continued, so did our sessions. Ted reported the side affects of the medical treatment seemed of less intensity and duration. "Must be getting used to it," he stated on one visit.

For whatever the reason, Ted resisted tapping himself. He much preferred I did it for him. On rare occasions I could get him to tap for himself, but only when on the phone. So together, we tapped when his determination faltered, and when he "just didn’t feel like going on." We tapped on regrets (especially lack of time with the family over the years), on his belief he was an absent father, and that he missed so many important family moments.

His sense of humour was usually quite subtle, but one day he called in an agitated state. A funeral home had called, and inadvertently began discussing funeral arrangements with him before realizing who they were talking to!

After a few quick rounds of EFT over the phone, his humour returned with a vengeance and he asked, "Who said, 'The rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated?'" I replied, "Mark Twain." Ted said, "Great. I’ll quote that when the family gets here. Should be good for some mileage." Then he hung up.

A few days later, I called to check up on him. "My funeral is scheduled for today," he began. "Are you going?" I joked back. "Can’t," he responded, "I’m watching that Bleep movie (What the bleep do we know?) that you bought me. Come on over." So I did.

By June, Ted had restructured most of his various business concerns. The magnificent house on the ocean was finally sold, and a more suitable one was purchased. His first grandson finally came into the world in July. He held him, and let the tears flow.

Slightly less than two weeks had gone by and Ted summoned me to the hospital. "I wrote down one of your quotes," he began, fumbling through his note book, "but I can’t find it... something about sailing."

"When the anchor is up, all debt’s are paid?" I offered. "That’s it!" he whispered. Even though his eyes continued to twinkle, we both knew it was time.

"I’ll be sailing off soon. My family is going to need to spend some time with you. Please remind them we turned two weeks into six months AND two weeks. They’re really angry with me for leaving, so tell them. Tell them."

Ted fell asleep. I stayed for a while, thinking about our talks and the times we shared, and most of all, the things I’d learned from this remarkable man.

When I arrived home, I looked at the note he’d scrawled for me to read:

"Just a rather abrupt change in consciousness," it read.

After the funeral, one of his sons approached me. "We’re going to need some help with all this," he said, "Especially my mom. Can I come see you first thing tomorrow?"

And that’s when the healing journey for the family began.

Dr. Alexander R. Lees, EFT Master